Corran Boid

[Deleted]

Corran Boid

NAME Corran Boid ALIAS Tinman AGE 45 DATE OF BIRTH June 9th, 2475 GENDER Male

PLAY BY Andrews, Naveen (of Lost fame) SEXUAL ORIENTATION Heterosexual AFFILIATION Unsure OCCUPATION Pilot and hired gun PLACE OF BIRTH Hera

HEIGHT 5'9" WEIGHT 210 HAIR Black curly hair shoulder length, two week old beard EYE COLOR Green

PHYSICAL BUILD athletic muscular DISTINGUISHING MARKS Knife scaring and discoloration from the synth flesh of his left arm and leg. GENERAL APPEARANCE He tends to favor his left arm and leg just because of what they are and their weight. His hair is in a constant state of bad bedhead. CLOTHING STYLE Darker uniform grays and blacks easy to wear and don't show all the blood stains that have all but ruined them. He won't go any where with out his leather jacket for it hides the synth flesh of his left arm.

LIKES Flying Fighting A good ship DISLIKES Reavers Going nowhere Injustice QUIRKS/HABITS Always checking the ship controls making sure she will turn on a dime at a moments notice. When in his off time, Corran can be found sharpening his knives and cleaning his gun. He is also often found on the observation deck staring into the black. FEARS Being forever alone

STRENGTHS Honorable to those he calls friends Fearless in un-win-able situations Very high pain tolarance WEAKNESSES Honorable to those he calls friends Will not back down from a fight, Will run down any reaver to end them TALENTS/ABILITIES Close quarter combat Improvisation Fearless flying SECRETS Cybernetic left arm, leg and other parts of his left side. ASPIRATIONS Corran has always wanted to live free and in peace but the verse seems to have other plans for him. So instead of fighting against the flood of problems he has decided to make the best of the problems and see if a bit of coin and fun could be had. Yet his hatred for reavers and those who prey upon the weak should fear for if he sees the suffering he will have no qualms in seeing justice for those who are repressed. Boid is willing to go anywhere and do anything that will better those weak and basically lost citizens

OVERALL PERSONALITY

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Nearly dying from a reaver attack, Corran Boid has came off very well tempered. The only times his temperament and anger gets the better of him is when he hears about Reavers, or when someone threatens those he considers friends.

His skill at surviving is only out-matched by his uncontrolled hunger to rid the 'Verse of Reavers. With a cybernetic left arm and leg Corran has never seen himself whole. With the NewTech technology in him and his supposed death at Serenity Valley, he has become a Cortex Specter. So thus in turn his is often dead broke.

He's honest to a fault and will tell the truth whether you like it or not. With traumatic flashes that were from when his family was savagely attacked by Reavers and slaughtered. Thus it gave rise to his credo, 'The only good Reaver is a dead Reaver.'

With his unhinged piloting skills, Corran has flown into and through places that only nightmares would dream of being able to go to. After witnessing his skills at the helm, many exclaimed that Corran must've been "born behind the wheel".

Corran's combat experience and unflinching endurance has made him a very hard person to pin down in a fight. The skill at killing and fighting was hard won in the 'Pits'. With a NewTech magnum in one hand and a wicked long-knife that looks like something a Reaver would wield in the other, Corran becomes a merciless killer when the time is right.

FATHER Torrel Boid-father-Lab tech and field researcher-deceased-died in the field MOTHER Selica Boid-deceased-Died from reaver wound in reaver attack along with her daughter in-law and her grand children. SIBLINGS None OTHER NOTABLE RELATIVES None

SIGNIFICANT OTHER Heather Ana Boid-wife-died in reaver attack CHILDREN Korum Boid-son-died in reaver attack Jenne Mina Boid-daughter-died in reaver attack OTHER SIGNIFICANT PERSONS None PETS None

BACKSTORY

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Early years

-2537-

Corran Boid was born on Hera well before the madness of the Alliance hold on the plant failed. Though that didn't last long his father Torrel Boid was a Lab tech and field researcher for a large medical company. Corran was never told about what his father did only that their time on Hera was just short five years.

Those peaceful years were filled with good memories of his mother and father when he was there. Learning to walk early on gave him a advantage on other youths his age. It also gave his mother problems keeping up with him. For her he seemed to go from crawling to running. Selica, his mother did all that she could to teach Corran early on his colors, numbers, how to read and draw. Nearing the fourth year she started him on learning Chinese. Of course she started with the simple words using comparison of English to Chinese. By his fifth year Corran could speak a bit of Chinese. Often his mother would go to the market and Corran would find something he liked. He would ask her for it and she'd say no. He would think for a bit and ask her in Chinese. She'd smile and in Chinese say no.

He often showed bravery by climbing to the top of a jungle gym only to get stuck and have his mother climb up and get him. Soon though he learned how to get down on his own watching others and learning quickly how things worked. He also like taking things apart an putting them back. How things worked intrigued him. His mother would take him to the space port when his father would be coming back from the Core. Corran would stare in awe at the ships.

One time his father was able to get the captain to let Corran come aboard and look around the ship. Once on the bridge he got to sit in the pilot's seat and from that moment on, he was hooked. He wanted to fly into the night sky far away just like in the story books his mother read to him.

Those same books she'd read to him had monsters, but instead of being afraid like other children he would say, 'Don't worry mommie I protect you from da bad monsters. They won't get you, I promise.' Through his life he tried to keep that promise. This is what his early life was like, learning, in peace. It was a poor living, but they were happy.

Education on the rim

-7 yrs old-

His mother sent him to any school on any planet that they went to. This made his learning a bit of a patchwork of schoolin'. He liked school but the children were never too friendly with him being an outsider and all. He excelled in math and the sciences. With his beginning of learning Chinese he had a quicker grasp on the language. His days on some of the rim world schools were spent reading books that the other students didn't care to know. He'd gotten within a few years further than the law on the rim simply needed.

Most of the children and adults only needed to know how to read and simple math but ones wanting more had to go to inner core worlds for higher education, higher that is than 5th grade. So Corran Boid was stuck for a while till his family was able to travel back to the core for about three years. Corran was tested before he was accepted. The local teachers did not expect much from a rimmer schooling. Yet Corran's knowledge was high enough that he was placed two grades higher than where he was previously at.

The next three years Corran ate up the schooling and read every book he got his hands on. Soon he was skipping a grade a year for the three years they were in the Core. The year long schooling made for the majority of the reason for his quick advancement. The teachers were amazed that anyone so young could take in and retain so much knowledge. They were at the point to have him to see if he could go to a advanced school when his father got another rim world mission. So as not to have him losing out on his education they sent with him e-books. They wished him well and hoped that he could come back soon to the core.


The Pit

-13 yrs old

Corran was saddened by the sudden departure to the core but he had to for his family's financial standing was tied to his father's job. If they wanted to have a fair living they had to go to where the work was, and now it was back in the outer rim. This time they were able to return to Hera for a while.

He loved the world for he got to visit his grandparents. When they arrived only his grandmother was there for her husband had died just three days before they arrived. So his mother and him stayed with her for the year till they had to move again this time to a muddy little rock where mud was the major export, Higgins' Moon.

Here his father used as a base to closer worlds for a while. But what he didn't know was how crooked the officials were. When he'd go on his long missions they would drive up the rent and taxes of their home till all the money they had was gone and his mother had to work in the mud pits to cover the bills. Though the bills continued to build and grow and his mother was able to pay them off. On a night or two of a week she would steal out of the house and come back in the morning. One night he secretly follow her to find that she was sleeping with the mayor to pay the bills.

He was so angry with her that she was cheating on his father that he destroyed one of the Mayor's shuttles by cross wiring the engines to ignite the fuel and it exploded. What he did was found out by the Mayor and he was sent to the 'Pits'. Before he left his mother told him of his father's death at the Mayor's hands. He had his shuttle crash while he was off-world and she was doing what she did so they could get off world. Saddened, he told her to go and look after her mother and he would see her soon. With that he was dragged away to the 'Pits'.

The 'Pits' were not just a labor hole, but one that was also used for the cruel sport of pit fighting by the official's to calm the local's thirst for pain and place for gambling. Corran was soon joining the pit fights. He was pitted by those of his own age who were slaved or like him serving time unjustly. The fights were bloody and often one sided. Corran was often on the loosing side. One of the older pit fighters took to liking Corran, especially the fire he would get in his eyes.

Under his teaching Corran grew in skill and strength. With the new knowledge the balance was tilting in his favor. Boid aged grew stronger and so did his opponents. But moving on unfazed Corran would work during the day and fight at night. His fighting skill was a mix of street fighting and muay thai.

On one duel he was mocked by an official from outside the ring. He had a fighter in the ring he said who would down him in five minutes. Corran KO-ed the fighter in five moves. At this the locals cheered and always betted on Boid. Boid grew in fame and power within the 'Pits'. On his twenty-fourth year of life he was called forth to fight in a main event. There he fought three fighters at once. With difficulty he beat them off one by one. The difficulty was because they had weapons and he did not. Yet his skill and strength won out in the end.

At the ending of the fight the guard came for Corran and brought him up to the outer levels of the 'Pits'. The reason was some one put up their pot of money on the event and won big. In which they bought his freedom. The woman he was ushered to was in fine garb. When she turned he saw that it was his mother. She had inherited her mother's great wealth. Now she was back to get him and bring him home.

With raven wings

-18 yrs old-

His mother tried to help finish his education but the years in the pit did their damage. Corran began hanging around the local hangers and watched the flights as he had all those many years before. His mother found out his love of fast moving machines so she got him a job with the flight mechanic, Marco Saed, who taught him every thing one needed to know about both land and space vehicles. Building a land runner from the scrap yard made people sit up what really got their attention was when he won the next two years Tinman run. The run was first made by a local officer to chase down some criminals.

Marco took him on a few off-world runs and let him pilot a ship or two taking off landing doing turn and burns. This went on for years and Boid was getting better with every passing day. Soon local flight crews were hiring him to run mail and supplies all over the planet. His routes were unmatched in the shortness and the danger level. Some started to call him insane but for Boid he knew his vehicle and the lay of the land. Six years and Boid was the only one anyone asked to run dangerous missions. Yet he longed to be off-world once more but time was not his friend.

Love and loss

-Married to Heather Ana for two years before children-

The best thing ever to grace his life was Heather Ana. She was a new immigrant to Hera. The splintering of the verse was what drove her and her family here. The two of them fell in love at first sight, of course the outward appearance was very much deceiving. For the two of them were nearly at each other's throat often than not. Yet soon it broke into the most loyal and deeply affectionate love the verse has ever seen. They both loved to be on the move. She was a mechanic by trade and he now a renowned pilot. The two of them made a great pair. Neither side liked it very much but with their children having such strong wills and mind on the matter no persuading would have worked.

Five Years they flew together until one day when Heather became sick. Returning home to rest Boid's mother told them that what she had would soon pass.... in nine months. So they tried settling down but the itch of being in space was greater than anything. Boid would leave for only a month or two at the most but the day of his children's birth came all too soon. Their love for each other spilled over into their children. Their life seemed like every thing was going to go well, but the verse always has other plans for the happy family.

Between the reaver raids and the attacks by off world factions wanting a piece of Hera the valley of Serenity was starting to look like it had during the war, dead and lifeless. The Boid home was one of the few that was still standing for Corran had dug deep into the hillside and made choke points to stand ground against the onslaughts. Yet even this fortress was slowly loosing its ground. The waning ammo supplies and food were starting to make simply living hard. It was all they could do to protect each other.

Just after a supply run Corran and his family ran deep into the many tunnels of their home as wave after wave of reavers flooded into their home. The past that had been so long buried now rose as those years of pit fighting overwhelmed his thoughts. The constant fighting began to wear on them and soon a little reaver stuck Corran in the side with a blade which made him drop to a knee letting a large group pass through. Before he could react the reavers rushed his family. His wife and his mother tried to hold them off but they were not fighters. They soon fell, along with his son and daughter.

Before he passed out he heard shots and shouting. Soon a group of soldiers were killing the reavers that were feeding upon him. Two weeks later he awoke to find himself in a medical center. He looked around the room to see no one. Looking at himself he noted that he had lost his leg and arm. Soon a nurse came in and found him awake and called the doctor. The doctor had looked like he had seen better days himself. They talked at length about his replacing his arm and leg with mechanical ones. He wasn't sure how well it would work he hadn't done to many but he would try to give him some mobility. Corran agreed to the procedure not fully knowing who was footing the bill.

Before he went into surgery he was waiting for the sleep gas to be used on him. A man came near with a rubber mask who looked some what familiar but he could not place him. As the gas started to work then it hit him when he saw the blue gloves that the man wore. It was Alyc Holms a member of the Blue Sun Medical group. All the time he was down his mind was sounding alarms and screaming at him to wake and run for it, but nothing worked. What seemed like weeks later, he woke finding himself in a cryo case. The lid opened with a hiss and that same face although blurry was there before him. Boid was trying to talk but it was no use. The doctor spoke to him trying to calm him down and tell him what was going on.

The doctor that was going to do the surgery was working for the Alliance Blue Sun group. They were going to try to use him as a lab rat to test some new drugs on him as they had on Miranda long ago. Yet Alyc had found out and was able to get a few out in secret by faking their sudden death. Now Corran Boid was reported as dead and might be hunted.

Boid knew from what he had said was half way true he had know a few that went missing only to turn up dead in their homes. Corran raised his arm and tried to rub his head for his head was starting to pound. when he touched his head he looked in shock, for his was touching his head with his left arm. Alyc then told him that while he was down he made and installed a high grade cybernetic arm and leg along with a few ribs and supports for his spine that was damaged. Alyc helped Corran to a nearby cot. Looking around he found that he was in the cargo hold of a very old ship. It was moving but to where he did not know nor did he care.

Over the next month Alyc helped Corran get stronger and get use to his new tech. Corran could get use to it but often it would move before he wanted it to. Hiding on one moon then another Corran and Alyc moved and were able to make a living. Corran with his flying and Alyc with his doctoring. On his off hours Boid would train with his left arm and leg, kicking, punching, shooting and cart wheeling. The skill he had while he was in the pit was still there and the new part he had made his fighting skill that much more deadly and stronger.

Once again time was making choices for the two friends Alyc and Boid had to part ways. What they wanted was drawing them in different directions. Corran's wandering conflicted with Alyc's home body wants. So taking their leave of each other they parted to never again see each other. Corran was thankful to Alyc for all that he had done. Alyc knew although Boid never said as much.


The Now


The following years Corran hid within the far reaches of the Rim worlds. The only contact he would have was when he would go planet side for supplies and to save those unfortunate few ships that were attacked by Reavers. Many times he tried to find a place he could call a base of sorts but none were a fit for him it seemed that being on the move was what he was.

While out on the Rim he heard of misfit groups that were challenging the norm. Thinking back Corran laughed thinking how they reminded him of that group who ran the ship Serenity, that group of Browncoats. But it could not have been them for that was long ago and they were dead and gone. Livin' was what gave him strength and livin' was what he was going to do. A year or two after he heard about these groups he made the effort to try to join his own crew. He has yet to find one that he felt right with so he continues to this day hunting and searching for a place to belong too.

ROLEPLAY SAMPLE

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Just one drink

A month in space will make anyone dry and very thirsty for the most foul liquid that could be call drink. As he took his for a lack of a better word for it 'drink' to his table the bar seemed to fill with people. Who all seemed to want to spill his drink all over his boots. Swapping his drink to his right hand and protected himself with his left he made some head way. With a thunk and crack Boid pushed his way to his table. Smacking everyone that got in his way and smashed a toe or two.

Next time I pick the bar and the time to come this place is a mad house. This is the third drink I had here and this is the first that made it to the table.

Taking a drink he almost regretted the thought of having one that did make it. Going for a second sip that seemed to curl his nose hairs and make his ears start to ring Corran hoped that what was going on was just the drink. It didn't matter for soon some local got into it with another local and they fell into his table smashing the table as well as the drink he had just pushed back from himself.

His right eye started to twitch he had enough the to men were still fighting in front of him. A swift kick and a swing of his left foot and arm the two were soon laying on top of each other. Throwing up his hands Corran exclaimed...

That's it I'm out of here I be at the Lady Rose bar on the far side of the port when you want to take off send for me there. Till then Cap laters.

Going to the doors the bar keep run up to him trying to make him stay offering free drinks and a room for the night. Boid simply gave him a you got to be kidding look and left.

Five minutes later he made it to the other bar at the port. It seemed a bit froo-froo but at least the place was a bit quieter and the drinks were easier to get back to his table. The first two sips were OK for the type of drink he got for the price he paid. Cheap drink don't often taste great in the first place but still it did hit the spot. Yet some thing was missing in the bar then it hit him there was no women in the bar there was only guys in it. Sighing he got up downed his drink as a barkeep came over to give him a drink that was sent by one of the local men who liked the look of his butt. Corran shook his head. No wonder why the other place was packed.

Leaving with out taking the drink and breaking a heart Boid just wondered why he left the ship in the first place. Getting back the ship just in time for the cook and the mechanic were going at it again in their high pitched Mandarin tongue. Now he remembered why he left. Going over to a locker he got a pair of ear plugs and put them in he went to the bridge of the ship and set one of the coms to flash for incoming calls so he won't miss the Cap's call to take off. Leaning back in his chair he closed his eyes. Just once in a great while could he get a drink at a good port.

Player name/alias: FoxFire
Roleplay Experience: RPing over 12 years dice, cards and now through postings.
How You Found DoS: Followed a group of firefly players from another site long ago.
Other Characters on the Site: none
Preferred Method of Contact: PM
Anything else: Something about your character that didn't seem to fit in any of the other prompts.

Password: Erlg

Under Chapter 37 of the Code of Federal Regulations Section 202.1 Subsection c (37 C.F.R. 202.1(c)) "blank forms ... which are designed for recording information and do not in themselves convey information" are not subject to copyright.

[Yautja]

Okay, review time!

1) First off, his age, and unfortunately, much of his history. I either take issue with his age, and his birthday. Or. I take issue with the fact that you haven't read the lore/finely tuned your bio after reading the lore. You site the correct dates in your bio, so my earlier quip is just that, humor. Still, there is a ton of lore that you didn't read, or simply forgot. Roger has spent an exorbitant amount of his time creating content for our players, well, for everyone! To ignore all that hard work by not reading it is not only rude, it's also game breaking for anyone who is trying to read your character, because he isn't written in the world we have created. It's been a long time since I read the original Corran app, but I remember he was somehow in the Alliance? Yeah? We talked about this in chatbox, and you have, near as I can tell, removed all references to this from your app. More or less. That said, the first line is;
"Corran Boid was born on Hera well before the madness of the Alliance hold on the plant failed."
So.... that's debatable and on this point, me and Rog held a pow-wow. But, as there is no concrete lore on Hera's independence day, you get a pass. I just want to be sure you wrote it for the right reasons, and didn't just luck into it by way of wording. I only mention it because if "Madness of the Alliance" means that Hera was at war, you may have understated the larger historical values of Corran's homeworld. And I only say that, because you did delve into his playground days, mentioned his education of Chinese despite it being a primary language of the times, and other things that could easily be brushed aside as irrelevant to his character's development. It's like, you focused on things that were good memories, but not the greater world around you, and unwittingly discounted history. If I sound overly anal, I apologize, I'm not trying too, I'm just trying to expand your understanding of your own character.

Ok, like, for instance, if I were to write about a guy born in Virginia, in 1772 A.D. here on Earth, and told you all about how he was a horse messenger that was a total badass, and knew all the routes and could deliver the mail the fastest of his postal order, but neglected to mention how the Revolutionary War impacted his life in any way... You see what I'm gettin at here? It's not that you're wrong, not at all. It's just an odd thing to leave out, that's all.

But other than that I don't remember anything else that stood out as a major oversight. That said, a lot of what you have created just doesn't jive well with the current lore, so go back and read through it one good time, remembering that a lot has changed in the what, seventy plus years since the show? That's all it will take really. I know it's a lot to take in, and reading through all the lore we have will slow down your app creation by a night or two. Hell, Roger even recognizes this and to combat it he made an abridged and an unabridged version of the governments of the verse! He even made an unabridged rulebook/guide to RP, which is a stellar read, and I think you would find it a boon. That aside, I shouldn't have to say this in my recapping bit, as the entirety of the RP experience is based on reading and writing, but TLDR doesn't apply to the site's foundation. Go back after the review, read the guides that are very accessible, and then reread your bio. You'll quickly see what I mean.

But seriously, the date of birth is like, 60 something years off, do fix that.

2) 5' 9" at 210 lbs is not really athletic muscular, perhaps shave off about twenty/thirty pounds? Or find out what Naveen weighed back in Lost Fame, and run that! Not a requirement, just throwin an idea out. I only know this because... oddly enough, that is my weight and height, and I would NOT describe myself as athletic LOL, but if I busted off about forty pounds, perhaps.

3) There are a lot of spelling and grammatical errors, many of which I simply corrected. Ordinarily, like in a post, I don't really care, cause most folks are simply trying to get the thing up, and have a schedule. But there is no pressure on your bio man, finish it at your own pace! That includes proofing your work. I only mention this because your bio is your first impression to those who don't know you. So it's a good look at what it will be like to rp with you! In creative writing, one does not always have to site perfect English, but when doing simple things like a bio, sentence structure and good spelling can be the difference in me knowing what you are trying to say, and not. I recommend a good browser such as Chrome or Firefox. Both are free, and offer free spellcheckers. Even then though, you still need to proofread your work, for example you wrote;

[/font] for reavers and those..."[/b][/ul]"Hated" is a word, and so no spellchecker will pick that up. A grammar checker will, if your comp is handy enough to have one! But proofing is still the best way. When I don't proof, I end up with too many things like this to count, and you almost always see an edit on my posts, as afterwards I will read them, and fix everything I see(before Roger see's it and calls me on it, friggin your/you're). Hell bro, there were a ton here, I've reread this review several times, and still just found one. Still though, there are many parts where I wasn't sure if that's just how you talk and thereby, were being creative with your wording, or, if you just used the wrong word, so... go proofread buddy.

4) The first strength and the first weakness are the same. Not like, the same where you say that he is always loyal to his friends, and would even die for them, but then at the same time his blind loyalty may also cause severe issues if one of his friends suddenly goes bad. Its more like, "Woops, typo'ed" I honestly think I see what you were going for here, but be more descriptive, and say it yourself, or simply change it to something new!

[/b]
While we are here, your second and third weaknesses, are not weaknesses. You will need to find an actual fault of his to provide here, or be more descriptive of why these two things are negatives for himself or others.[/ul]
5) Is the discoloration of his skin enough to be noticeable? It's under his appearance, which is a place for other writers to go and find a touchstone for how to describe your character, as well as picture him in their minds. But then, it's a secret? Should we notice this, or not?

6) Very clever with the English/Chinese motherly quip in the marketplace. If nothing else, you got a laugh out of me. (See! Not everything in a review is bad!)

7) "Education on the rim"
This sentence fragment is just above the seven year old marker, was this a point you meant to expound on?

8) This goes back to point one, but I'm going to say it again for you, and also anyone else reading who may get confused. The "Rim" is not governed by the Core/Alliance, and all planets, no matter their affiliation have their own standards to which they govern, that includes the academic learning curve expected in the far reaches of the verse. The entire universe is not under the rule of one very convenient plot devic... uh uh, I mean, government, sorry Joss. So remember that this needs to go into your purge of the first point I mentioned. It could be argued that this was under the time that the Alliance was in partial rule of Hera, but that would be a wild stretch at best, as they would no doubt be at war at that point.  That said, no part of the current lore of 34 Tauri dictates that the fifth grade is the limit of that area's educational experience, certainly not Hera. Also, he was what, 7th, 8th grade aged? Been a while since I was 13, but still with the grade skips, he'd simply be at the graduating class level, so... why did he need to go with even more educational help to stay ahead? How much farther ahead did these damn teachers want him? What happened to being a kid!?! Ya Goddam Overbearing Teachers! You know what I'm saying, sure he's ahead of the curve and by a wide nearly unrealistic margin, but at this point in his academia, why all the extra push? The poor overdeveloped child is nearly graduated, was he planning on going to a White Sun college, before they were shipped off on daddy's new assignment?

9) Higgins moon two parter.

A) Higgins is likely dead and if family business means his kids got the fortune, it was either an upturn for the residents, or the moon was sold and would have likely changed names by now to like... I dunno, "Larry's Moon..."  Since the name of the moon is the same, we can simply assume that Fess or his kids own the joint now. Fess wasn't the powerhungry slavelording dic... uh, bad guy, his dad was, so residents may not have continued to live on under such bad conditions into the modern days. Higgins' kid didn't seem that bad to me, at the very least, I hope it's better for them by now.
B) The whole sleeping around for rent bit... I'm not questioning that it can happen, but merely how his father didn't notice the sudden depletion of his bank account, and how despite not being able to afford the rent, his wife and child lived on in that wonderful vacation paradise he'd dumped them in. Presumedly with discount ceramic dishes! Ba Dum Tss! How did she manage to hide this from him? Did he literally leave the old ball and chain and that over-educated rugrat behind with no aid? Did he not care? Did they keep separate bank accounts? Did they not have bank accounts?  Are waves no longer usable things there?  Was he secretly doing his work on Paquin when he bank accounts were crushed, and and he was forced to pay his own rent in much the same manner as she was, so he just didn't feel right pointing fingers? Was all this after his dad died? How long did dear old mom know Corran was fatherless before she broke the news? The guy was a huge, well to do, uber research guy, what no life insurance? Higgin's people managed to kill his dad on another planet despite only having a fifth grade education??? What the hell is going on here? Jus sayin...

10) The slaves and indentured servants that are serving time in that hole, can be described as "unjustly". Corran blew up the moonowner's ship out of spite. That's not called unjust, it's just called punishment. Unfair... meh, depends on how you look at it, but come on bro, even from Corran's perspective, he had to have a smile on his face and be like, "Easiest pit fighting slave days I've ever served..." Shit, at least it wasn't the box, which was the former method of backdooring a Higgins...

11) I'm going to skip right over the whole... Corran the Barbarian moment, and the convenience that one of these wise, old, mudder, pitfighting slaves just happened to know streetfighting(from the cities!) and muay thai, and also not going to ask about why his grandmother didn't offer aid sooner, or why they didn't stay with her after good ol' Torrel kicked the bucket, and instead just amend my earlier question about sentence fragments in point 7. "With Raven Wings" and its counterpart fragments are section titles yes? I'm not against it, breaks up the walls of text so common with backgrounds.  Lasky just did a bio with section titles that really popped. He used a red font on them that matched the coding of the bio, and the finished product looked Great! Steal from the best yo.

12) This also deals with point one, you're going with no research. That's fine, on some random world, where you can simply make stuff up. Hera however, is not one of these worlds. Let's start with the reaver attacks. Here, I did the research for you;

The long and short of it is, Reavers are not going to show up on Hera often, in fact, they likely will not at all. Certainly not enough that Corran the Barbarian would have to dig himself into a mountainside or cliff face, or the side of the site of Serenity Valley. Not now, not likely for any foreseeable future. Not unless the Reavers recently came apon the power of the T.A.R.D.I.S. ...Mostly because Hera is in the Georgia System, and Miranda is in the Blue Sun System. It's not like they are next door to one another. As you can see here, they are about as far apart as you could have possibly picked. Pick a new planet, or alter the reaver bit. As the reaver bit seems to be the core of your character, and the prime source of the muse of Corran Boid, as the reaver fits have been a part of his character since The Verse, I'll just say pick a new planet.

Side note) Did I miss something? When the hell did they have a daughter!?! Maybe I missed it. Maybe Corran missed it. Is he keeping his bills paid? Ugh, low blow... moving on!

13) The loss of this man's limbs has been made very clear by the writer(you) in other sections, that it is an area of trauma and regret. Both the loss of such magnitude of his family, compiled with being rendered cripple. And when you get there, after a very strong buildup of the protagonist's growing life and good fortune, the best you could do with his reaction to fate's twist of the dagger, was;

Wow. Corran. Just wow. I think I have a stronger invested attachment to this character than you do. Invest your time in your character bro...

Side-note) Also, his brain told him to "Run for it", damn... Corran's subconsciousness is a dick to cripples...

14) The Serenity was not, and will continue to not be, a well known ship name in character. For the safety of Mal and his crew, the Operative covered up and repaired what he could. The message got out, but not the names of the messengers. Understand? This is not negotiable in this timeline, it wasn't in the last, nor even on the Verse. Not in character.

And finally!

15) Funniest RP Sample in the history of this site! "No wonder why the other place was packed." LMAO! Classic.



Side note number 97, don't follow my poor example of run-on sentences...  I think I just like commas better than periods!

[Roger]

Alright, Onas already covered a lot, but I feel like I need to hit some of these big points as well. I’ll try not to tread the same ground as much as possible, but it might be difficult.

Early Years
You give us five paragraphs yet we learn surprisingly little about Corran’s life. Most of what we do learn is all inferences or it’s just vague. We learn that his father works off-world and he spent most of his time with his mom. Then we have two foreshadowing moments: him seeing a ship and him telling his mom he’ll protect her.

Now, it’s not that the rest of this section needs to go, but it is largely unnecessary. If this was a book about Corran’s life then maybe we’d care, but this is an app about his character where we are interested in learning about who he is. I frankly don’t care that his mother taught him his colors or that he went to the park and played on the jungle gym. That is pretty standard stuff that does not need to be mentioned. If this is some attempt to tie into later sections, being brave at a playground is not comparable to fighting a dozen angry reavers, and learning your numbers as a toddler is not the same as skipping grades in school.

Most people breeze through their childhoods, at least until their teens, because little of anything remarkable happens. What description that is given is typically about their parents, and oddly enough we know very little about Boid’s. Corran’s bio, however, is lopsided toward his childhood which is all the more noticeable because he is actually one of the older characters who you’d expect to have more adulthood to expand upon.

The reason for their departure from Hera is never explained. His father’s job is never fully explained either and it seems inconsistent. Sometimes they have plenty of money, enough to send their child to good Core schools, and other times they are in poverty. Sometimes it’s fine for dad to travel on his own, but other times the entire family needs to move. All we the readers are left knowing is that Corran leaves the good times with his mommy on Hera.

You also have this mention about the Alliance and the end of peace, but then nothing comes of that. When Corran is about 3 or 4, Hera and much of the ‘Verse will be at war again. Is this why they leave Hera? Is there some other end to peace going on? Or is this merely foreshadowing that their lives will fall to shit in a few years down the road? If so, is a massive war affecting them and if not then why not?

Education
Onas already mentioned that there are no Rim standards because the Rim is a very diverse place. Furthermore, I’d like to impress upon you the size of the Rim. Over twenty-one BILLION people live in the Rim section of the ‘Verse. Some areas are depressed and remote. Some have very limited governments. But to think that billions of people are living in a society where no one can get an education higher than fifth grade is completely absurd. Forget about highschool drop outs, we have entire nations apparently being run by people who never even entered middle school, starship engineers operating nuclear engines who never learned algebra or any science, etc. Sure, there are some hicks on farms that have little need for education, but to say that even a large percentage of the Rim is so backwards… it just seems offensive to this imaginary class of people.

That being said, Corran’s path through academia is almost as outrageous. First you establish that Corran’s mother began to teach him Chinese when he was very young. When he was a little kid entering school he had a basic grasp of the language and a few words. IRL I’m an American so I can understand how this level of “mastery” at such an age can be seen as a leg up on other students, but this is the ‘Verse where damn near every single person in the ‘Verse is bilingual. It would be more noteworthy if Corran didn’t have this basic level of knowledge of Mandarin by the time he entered school. Certainly, the kids who grew up in households where Chinese is the only language spoken or it is a bilingual house where both are spoken would have a massive leg up on Corran. No matter how bright he was or how quick he picked up on the lessons, the kid who is already fluent is going to be better than him.

As for the rest, your timeline is a little shaky, but this is how I read it. Corran goes to Rim school for a few years where he excels. He then leaves school entirely before going to a school in the Core. Despite the poor quality of the Rim school AND the time he has spent having no school at all, Coran performs unbelievably well in this high quality Core school. He starts out two grades higher than he was in before, AND he also jumps three more grades during his studies. That means that when he leaves school at age 13 he has already gotten as far as an 18 year old… so that means he’s about ready for college. Are you following? Corran is apparently an absolute genius, in fact, he is a genius despite all the academic setbacks he has faced. He is not only an incredible pilot and the biggest badass fighter, but he’s apparently also the smartest character on the entire site.

Higgin’s Moon
Onas covers this pretty well, so I’ll stick to two main points here. Why the hell are they on Higgin’s Moon in the first place? They move out here because Corran’s father travels for work. Except he’s not actually working here, but travelling elsewhere. This is exactly like when they lived on Hera and daddy travelled around for work. Why couldn’t mom and little Corran stay on Hera the whole time with grandma and grandpa? Why couldn’t they stay in the Core where Corran could graduate college by age 15?

Okay, so maybe he wanted his family to be kind of close so it is only a day’s journey to get home instead of a week’s journey. But from context it seems like he is gone for very long periods of time and rarely comes home (or else he’d know about the rent bullshit). Why choose a moon known only for a large slave/indenture population, run by an apparently tyrannical government, is not anything nice to look at, and a location which the show mentions just plain has a stench to it? It’s not a good halfway point to keep your family let alone to stop for gas while passing through.

After things turn south, why can’t they just move or at least send a wave to daddy to tell him that rent got jacked up? Why does mom have to work as a mud slave/sex slave to make ends meet when it turns out her parents are wealthy and could easily at least buy them passage out of there?

Point two is about the pits, and why do they exist? Yes, I understand it’s a punishment and there is entertainment derived from it. However, Higgin’s Moon is basically a slave plantation. The magistrate and his men don’t really care if the indentures have entertainment. They also have little to no money to speak of to gamble with. This brings the available pool of gamblers and spectators down considerably. Sure, maybe they’d still have the pits, but you make it seem like this is the Roman Coliseum with tens of thousands of spectators and frequent games. That just doesn’t seem feasible.

Raven Wings
How old is Corran? This section starts out saying he is 18. The last section ended saying he is 24.

Love and Loss
Corran is either 24 or 30 by now. That means it is now either 2461 or 2467 by now. How is Heather a new immigrant? The ‘Verse ceased to splinter 13 or 19 years ago. If you’re talking about post Alliance withdrawal conflict, the Six Years War starts in 2467 which is good, but Hera is bombed to shit in it which is bad. No way they would flee to Hera when Hera is the centerpiece of the war causing them to flee, and there is no way the war happened without Corran being affected by it. Maybe replace the Reavers with an Alliance attack at the end of the war. It might work… but then you lose the entire Reaver thing, not that I think wave after wave of Reavers hitting their homestead is ever going to pass. Why so many Reavers so far from Miranda and all determined to kill Corran? Of all the billions of people in the ‘Verse they just charge into the intricate defenses of the most badass reaver killer on the planet to get slaughtered?

How does Corran recognize Alyc Holms or anyone from the Blue Sun Corp for that matter? When has Corran ever crossed paths with Blue Sun let alone this individual? Were they the mystery employers behind his father back in the day? If so, how did Corran ever learn about his father’s work let alone any potential coworkers? It is also about 20 years since his father died now. What are the odds someone from back then is even here let alone recognizable? How old is Alyc by now if he is a former friend of Corran's father?

In the present lore, Blue Sun is also no longer tied to the Alliance. It has staked out on its own as a private corporation. They still do all manner of questionable science stuff, but they are not bound by or tied to the Alliance anymore.



Overall the app clearly has serious issues. For the backstory, the biggest part is simply how close you stick to the established history of the show. Sure, this is all familiar to a fan, but it is also incredibly restrictive. There are hundreds of worlds to choose from yet you selected the handful that we actually know a good deal about. Thus when you write a story that conflicts strongly with the established canon we can’t help but call you on it. Changing the locations to random worlds with literal blank slates to creatively work with would be a huge step in the right direction. Maybe it’s not a mud farming world, but you can create a backwater where there is a tyrannical local governor who runs pit fights with slaves. It might not fit Higgin’s Moon, but it could fit someplace else.

As for Corran the character, quite simply he is overpowered. He lacks any discernible weaknesses other than the fact that he is a fighter and could possibly be too quick to fight when caution might be a better choice. But even that doesn’t matter because of his strengths. Corran is apparently a good friend, son, father, etc. all around nice guy if maybe a little odd and brooding. He is fearless and he has an incredibly high pain tolerance. He has a towering intellect, a child genius against all odds. With only limited training he has become one of the greatest pilots in the ‘Verse who can do things no one else can do both in the air and on land.  He is an absolute beast in combat both in terms of skills and physical strength and agility. Corran survived in fighting pits as a child for years at a disadvantage, and has singlehandedly fought tons of reavers all at the same time. He lost an arm and a leg only to have them replaced by badass top of the line synthetic limbs. He has built entire ships from scrap so he is an exceptionally skilled mechanic as well. What can’t he do?

We all want a character that is really good at something, but we’re talking about one or two somethings. Corran is just about the definition of an overpowered character.

Unfortunately, the app needs serious rewrites if not an entire overhaul.

[Deleted]

I do regret the bio work please remove my RL is not letting me care about much of anything any more.


Sorry for wasting your time in reading this worthless bio.

Let him die where he was in the past.

Foxfire.